Resources: Understanding Ostracism, Timeouts

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/805746/positive-discipline-why-timeouts-dont-work

http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Ostracism

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/04/social.aspx

http://www.powells.com/biblio?isbn=9781572306899

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-922731.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=M0flM4dgpDUC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=timeouts+ostracism&source=bl&ots=NNNExUmWFw&sig=CqcXM8QwYW_Em3HQSdQbxsmn_-8&hl=en&ei=Se-OTL6JLYSdlgfovZm0Dg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBsQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

List goes on… I’ll add more as we go.

Unbinding Foolishness

Source article ->

10. Example

Be what you want your children to be. “More is caught than taught.” Children read actions better than words. They are imitators, taking on the likeness of the ones they most admire. If you cannot walk your talk, don’t expect them to. When the older child develops bad habits, the younger children will follow his example and probably take it a step further in the wrong direction. Likewise, if you get that first child in control, you have a good example for other children who come behind.

This statement is teaching a fundamental and foundational principle that stands the test of time, society, and diversity. Children mimic what they are exposed to. With that in mind, let’s take a moment to skip over to a different section within this group’s site and set of teachings… where they talk about how to hit your children, and what to use.

The Rod
The Switch
The Belt
The Wooden Spoon
The Hand

Examples of each of these from the NGJ site is forthcoming.

If you would like to contribute, please either send material or use the comment section. This site is not intended to be the rantings of one very outspoken mother – but many, many outspoken mama’s and papa’s… and doctors, psychologists, theologians, and scientists… who value our children, and yours.

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From, Unbinding Foolishness

Children are not all necessarily rebellious, loud, selfish, mean, aggressive, bossy, whiny, or moody. But all children have foolishness bound in their hearts, and they all need to be freed from the bondage that will drag them down their entire lives. Give your children the gifts of wisdom, sobriety, and a sound mind; drive foolishness far from them. My mom always said that a slender willow switch works wonders. I say it works miracles. If you have misgivings about the proper application of the rod, read again Mike’s little booklet In Defense of Biblical Chastisement.
See also -> “
The following article is designed to be used as a resource in defending your faith on Biblical child training.”

“It is so much easier to check foolish behavior while the child is yet young. If you catch him acting silly or irresponsible, then rebuke and spank as needed to produce sobriety.

My take, if you see him acting silly… act silly with him.  Children are children for a reason – what better time in a life is there to be silly.

If you have a child behaving irresponsibly, assuming they are of an age where they can first comprehend this term, and second, the irresponsible behavior is in proper proportion to the development of the child, then how about tell the child as much, instead of hitting them.  Granted, there are a good number of children and teens out there that won’t give a rip if you tell them they’re behaving irresponsibly, but if you have raised them with a strong example of responsible choices, consistency, and your own behaviors which exhibit integrity, there should be only a handful of instances that they, as children, handle truly irresponsibly.

When one of these instances does occur, instead of inflicting physical pain, and leaving a mental scar in effort to “train” them not to do that same thing again, what about using the opportunity to discuss integrity, the value of making responsible choices, and what responsibility truly is.

“When you see him do a dumb thing and you know he knows better (or at least should know better,) communicate the seriousness of your concern with a spanking.”

I, for one, just don’t see how I could tell my child (or infer it) that anything he or she does is dumb.  That is too demeaning and belittling in my opinion.  Yes, children do strange things that don’t make sense to adults, and might even come across as rather odd or dumb/silly/frivolous, but they are children… they don’t think like adults do, they are not miniature adults.

What would be wrong with firmly telling the child that whatever he just did was in direct opposition to what he knows he should have done, and explain the consequences that will naturally follow – without hitting and without “time out” isolation.  The child, even a very young child, naturally understands cause and effect, and if this concept is presented to them in a developmentally correct manner in relation to whatever it is they did, they can learn the reason behind why what they did was not correct, and in time, they will make different choices.

This might sound way too “soft”… but the thing is, if the child is guided from the very beginning in this manner, with the exception of days/times where other influences are present, children will generally manage to make fairly decent decisions, in relation to their own level of development. Humans seem to have an ingrained desire to please… it’s not until they are damaged due to the persistent inability to succeed at gaining that approval that they turn to opposing  methods of gaining attention.

Now, there are those who will immediately respond with a favorite quote from the bible. Bring it on, comment away.

“If your child risks life or limb in a foolish stunt, as I saw my own sons do when they were little, follow their daddy’s example. I have seen Mike say to them, “OK, you want to risk getting hurt, I will show you what hurt feels like. And then he spanked them soundly. Next time they thought twice before showing off in a dangerous manner.”

First off, women… you must do exactly as the man dictates.  It’s not a mutual, equal, give/take relationship.  You’re not the nurturer for a reason.  Make sure you don’t argue or disagree with anything your husband or your child’s father says/does either because he is infallible.  Think I’m nuts? Check this out ->, it’s the Pearl’s manifesto for the subservience of women. Make sure you check out the except tab for the book.

Second.. perhaps living with the scars of intentionally inflicted pain is not as bad as a broken arm with a cast that all your friends sign, gained from a simple lesson learned during childhood, when bones mend easily.


“If you are visiting in a home and your child goes through the drawers or cabinets, communicate with a switch that it is not an acceptable practice.”

What about telling the child ahead of time what respecting others’ property is all about and then making sure they realize exactly what that means, if they don’t quite demonstrate full comprehension.

Here’s a weird idea, upon discovering your child opening doors in another person’s house, like he does in your own home without being reprimanded, try telling him that he shouldn’t do that because there is a difference between his own home and that of another person.  He is a child and does not just know this is an unacceptable practice without you explaining it to him.  And instead of hitting him when he “lapses” and behaves like a kid, prevent the behavior in the first place by reminding him (he is a child, they need to be reminded, they are not adults) that it’s not what he’s supposed to do and stop him before he does it.  If the child is young enough to want to do this, he isn’t old enough to understand why it’s ok in one house and not the other, but you can teach him this if you consistently explain and supervise.

On that note, if the child is old enough to know better, there is a reason this behavior is occurring. Step back so that you can see the bigger picture. Maybe you need to turn a switch on (yourself), the mental kind.


“If your five-year-old spills a bag of nuts out on the car seat when she could have sealed the bag shut, let your rebuke be accompanied by a couple swift swats with the rod of your choice. Good habits are made, not born.”

God have mercy on our five year old children who have better things to think about than every blessed little detail of somehow managing to do nothing that might even indicate they are children. What about the mother or father who gave the child the bag in the first place?  Did ya tell the child to close it after every bite? Have you asked if the child has shut the bag? Have you asked the child to be careful?

Let’s just say the worst happens and your five year old spills his bag of nuts all over the car seat.  Guess what?  He is a kid and he has little fingers, with which he can pick up nuts.  He will learn that if he spills something, he must clean up the mess.


“If your children gorge on junk, even to the point of stealing food and hiding, know this: it is better to set them free from bad habits now than for them to struggle all their lives with being overweight and sickly. A few licks will remind them that overeating hurts. It will help shape lifetime habits.”

How about, don’t buy the junk food.

For the source article ->


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My humble opinion…
If parents are struggling with their young children, they must take a step back to where they can see the bigger picture.  In most cases, if the parent – child relationship is built on mutual love and respect, and if the parent is honest with themselves, they will be able to see what actions and behaviors they need to change (in themselves, and that of the home), in effort to regain harmony in their children.