Conveniently Artificial

From my FACEBOOK comment…. Continued here – and rather oddly placed in this blog, but the concept here is much farther reaching than its content alone.

Try this on – A society that in general, and as a whole, for as many years as is well documented, views women as inferior.  Why? My guess is it all stems from the survival of the fittest instinct that runs rampant, especially in males, and women are in a position where they need the physical efforts of men, especially while pregnant.   Could a society void of men survive?  From purely a physical survival standpoint, minus reproduction, yes.  Would it be more work for all women? Yes.  My guess is after a few generations, the women would adapt and their bodies would be bigger, to support the physical demands of the absent male bodies.

Wet nurses were a necessity in the event that the mother died, was too ill to produce milk, or… absent.

 

Now the rest of it…

I heard an argument once that a woman was disgusted by the thought of having another woman’s breast feeding her baby.  Science defeats this theory, given the woman tends to hygiene.  She could eat terribly, but hydrate properly, and her body would still come up with something capable of nourishing and sustaining, maybe even benefiting the infant.  You know what? In the south, women discovered something, their slaves made wonderful nannies. So wonderful that many women would force the slave to stop tending to their own babies so that they could nurse the master’s infants.  Boy, it was good that formula had already been invented because in the rare event that a slave was solo and didn’t have another slave to nurse her baby, while she was off nursing the master’s baby, the slave’s baby would die.  Perhaps preferable to many slaves, but as the slave’s status followed the mother, not favorable to the slaveholder.

“Make babies!”  The slaves were ordered to.

“But nourish my baby!”

Why?

The slaveholder was busy being a society woman, with her many slaves to show off among other things… but tell me, with the horrible opinion and assumed inferiority of slaves, why did these female slave masters assume the milk that came out of those brown breasts was safe for their baby’s little white mouths?  I suspect it was the same thing we know today, and instinct is what it is – breast milk is just that, and the baby needs it.  If it comes out of a breast, it is liquid gold, and it is what new life needs.

So, that takes us into the previous century, when a new reason became apparent for substitute human milk.  As Kate stated above – women joined the war effort.  As equals?  No.  Not only were they not given the same recognition and compensation as the males who were exerting just as much effort as the females, but the females had an extra burden to carry, that of motherhood.  While the men were off chasing their anger and proving their self righteousness, the women were obligated to support that game, tried to insist on equal recognition when it wasn’t automatically given, and managed to keep having and caring for the offspring that was continually created due to human nature running its course.

Were wet nurses in existence during the world wars of the early 20th century?  Yes, especially where there were enough women not stuck in a factory to provide for such a luxury. But, with the advent of society and/or, in stark contrast, families that settled themselves on land in the west that was annexed for their use, wetnurses became much less common.  Though some of those “settling” families saw fit to “employ” indigenous women to supply this crucial aspect of early life… much like the women in the south who turned to their slave’s breasts.

Enter mid-century, the silently tumultuous and oppressed 50’s, where, after centuries, women suddenly found their voices. Unfortunately for them, in the face of no equal respect for their contribution to humanity, yet in their need to demand appropriate recognition and compensation for their efforts and contributions, they went about forcing the issue the only way they could see how.  They decided that to prove they were not inferior to a man, they had to behave like men – like the very 1/2 of society that had managed to collectively raise itself into a stupor of superiority – at least those that came from the European influence (other regions as well).

Well, if a woman has to behave like a man to be considered as superior as man, there are a few things that happen (and that don’t).  First, she has to be capable of doing and managing the exact same situations that a man is capable of.  Funny how the men throughout history, have never had to prove the same the opposite direction – though I see some indication that may happen in the near future.

Second, while women conducted themselves during the day in the same environment that the men were in, those environments were not conducive for their children. Women couldn’t assemble or type very well while holding a baby at the breast, or chasing a toddler.  Men couldn’t assemble, type, or have adult conversations while chasing toddlers either.  Women seem to have the conversation ability a bit better figured out… while chasing 10 toddlers. Sort of.

See, when we forget how valuable each of our unique contributions are, we have to compensate to survive.  Instead of working together, which some societies still actually manage to succeed at (though few and rare), we tear each other apart.  And in so doing, the most helpless of our society suffer the most.

My life is a bit of a paradox in that I spent  my 20’s functioning in a career where I did manage and accomplish the exact same tasks and situations that my male co-workers did.  And when I discovered I was being paid less than my lateral male associates, I caused the situation to be remedied.

I have always taken a stand for “equality”, but not until the recent years have my eyes been open.  I no longer see women needing to demand equal consideration and recognition with most men, but they are now waging this battle among themselves.  I also now see men being diminished systematically by the very women (and their daughters) that took the only route they could come up with to make a difference in how they were treated. Albeit a sad route.

We are such an intelligent creature, are we not.

Now, in my 30’s, as a mother who has to routinely stand up for myself because somehow the work I do raising my daughter is viewed as something less than a career worth recognizing (let alone, the most crucial in the continuance of the species), I am starting to see a bigger picture.  Originally, it was men vs women, but now, more and more, I experience women vs women.  And in the process, we have shrunken the men to the point where many of them won’t even lift a finger to help us because they know we’ll criticize and belittle them for doing so.  This is not what was supposed to happen.

The fact is, that in order for a woman to work somewhere that doesn’t include her nursing child be with her continually, the child must take second chair.  Whether this means with formula, bottles of breast milk that the mother regularly manages to pump, a wetnurse, daycare, or some other solution, a substitute for mom must be acquired, on all fronts, while mom is away being comparable to the men and other women.

I develop websites.  I teach English to foreigners. I taught teens to drive for 6 years.  I teach music – multiple instruments.  I am a musician and artist.  I am a teacher – and now I independently educate my daughter.  I have been a nanny.  I have been a manager of others.  I have been a technician and responsible for lots of important (to those I worked with) stuff.  I write.  I speak publicly.  Someday I may run for office.  I am crunchy, advocate for animals, and try to protect our natural environment.

I am a wife, a soul mate that is a partner 100% and then some.  I am a mother, who believed in the strength of her body, the abilities of her body to naturally function, and believes in respect and wholly loving her child.

We are all connected.

So, in my Utopian society, we respect our men for their strength, their ability to solve problems, their physical ability to lift things that would wreak havoc on my body if I did it.  We would appreciate men for their sensitivities, their attentiveness, their protective and loyal qualities, and their ability to remain childlike while carrying the weight of a man with many children to feed, at the same time.

In my Utopian society, we would honor our women for their ability to nurture life, comfort the weak, teach compassion, organize insurmountable orchestrations of accomplishment (while nourishing life, sometimes), and heal wounded souls.

Further, we would value our children and the future so much that we, as adults, would never do anything to retract, degrade, diminish, harm, or hurt them.  We would not even go so far as to settle for anything less than the most healthy, most positive, most productive, and most beneficial environments.  This, my friends, is why I like Star Trek.

Hitting our children is not a productive and positive solution for a happy childhood and happy, non-harmful adults.  We know this now. Neglect and surrogate care is not what the child needs.  We know this now, thank you chimpanzees.  Women are valuable and do not do well when beaten or oppressed.  We know this now.  Men are valuable and do not do well when not appreciated or diminished.  We know this now.

Preserved meats are damaging and we all know it now.  Chemically altered anything is potentially harmful.  We know it and are learning more and more daily.  Artificial anything has its consequences.  We are learning quickly.  Neglect and abuse of the environment is lunacy. Some of us are aware of this now.

Formula feeding is not as healthy as human milk and we all know it now. There are presumed safeties, and as many concerns for long term effects in using this artificial substance.  I dare you to prove my statement wrong.

I have a friend who cannot breastfeed; she has no breasts.  She is in her 30’s and has a baby.  She knows well about the known dangers and drawbacks of human milk substitute, as well as the many questions and concerns that are not yet fully understood or proven.  She has decided that her child is too valuable to settle for something artificial, so she has involved a couple of her friends and other acquaintances (now friends) in the task of providing her baby with human milk, until the baby itself no longer needs it (this may be a few years still).

One of the friends that supplies this woman human milk no longer nurses her own children – they have weaned themselves – but this woman still routinely pumps her milk and gives it to my friend’s family.  It’s an annoying and time consuming task sometimes (especially to those of us like me who couldn’t get a pump to work for much of anything), but to these people (both the women and the men who are very much involved) it is the only option as they refuse to settle for artificial, even if it is convenient.

Inconsistent Hipocracy

Source

Perhaps one of you could help articulate my feelings here more eloquently.. Basically, when one reads through the majority of the material the NGJ group publishes, one gets a sense that the instructions are rather black and white, intended to be 100% of the time, consistent, and enforced regardless of the child and their response.  Additionally, this group repeatedly berates and condemns any parent that doesn’t either see the value of adherence to their doctrine, or doesn’t do it out of “weakness”.  (See below for quotes and source related to this.)

However, when actually questioned, by a supporter and follower no less, these people semi-recant, in effort to save their assumed sanity and correctness.  But they spin their words in such a way that leaves the reader with a sense of certainty, yet confusion.  It’s as if they’re instructing the child to stop spinning on the merry-go-round (or the parent) while they themselves (NGJ) is the physical force that is making the platter continue to spin.

Mike,

We recently visited a family who follow your teachings to the “T”. The children are very well behaved. But I wondered if you’ve ever had anyone overdo it?

The children didn’t have the spark of life as much as we remember our children having. We pass out your books and have been around other families with wonderful kids that are more relaxed and happy. We were troubled. Should we be?

Debi Pearl Responds

Yes, we all need to be troubled, and young couples need encouragement and help from the older couples. We have seen families who take what we and others have written and use it like the law. When older, wiser people try to help bring balance, the younger couples do not take their counsel. It grieves us. If children are not bubbling with joy and eager to be a part of life, then something is very wrong. Good training begins and ends with tying strings of fellowship and bonds of good times.

The Letter Continues

We also noted that the mother was swatting their very young children for not meeting possibly unfair expectations. One as young as 13 weeks old was being swatted to stop crying. The mother was trying to teach her one year old to put toys away, but the kid just didn’t understand and it was an intense confrontation. We tried to let them see a balance but what they understood you meant and what we understood you meant were 2 very different things.

It is true that we occasionally hear that young mothers and more seldom, fathers, take what we teach out of context and misuse their children.

The rest of this article strikes a specific chord in me because I have nursed my daughter now for 2.5 years almost.  We began this love connection moments (literally) after she was born, and will continue until she is ready to sever.  (Anyone who wishes to judge our decisions I encourage you to send me your thoughts and rants, and I will reply in turn with science and instinct.)

You see, most of what these people say is laced with useful, logical, practical information.  This is why their ministry and publications are so dangerous. Those that follow them may easily be seduced into believing their precepts and instructions are logical, reasonable, and even Godly. And for the parent who is struggling with their child’s behaviors, this group seems to be just what they’ve been looking for.  Can anyone supply me with the definition of a cult… and lend their knowledge of how the dynamics of a cult play out, and who cults prey on?

This is why I hope this site will continue to develop with parallel advice, suggestions, and instruction that encourage the parent to see the value of their children, become aware of the effects of their actions and behaviors (and thought processes), and begin to redefine “discipline” from an assumption that is means to punish, back to the original definition of “instruct, guide, teach, develop”.

First, love your child. Care that the child is well, happy, and relaxed. Training should not be tense, upsetting, hurtful, or pushed. It should be a simple exercise in showing the child what you want him to do. A tiny stimulus to direct the child when they are small is enough. For example, if a 3 month-old nursing baby bites, don’t spank. She does not know she did bad. Just gently pull a hair on her head. She will startle back in momentary discomfort and immediately start nursing again. The tiny bit of discomfort makes the baby relate the biting down with the gentle pulling of the hair. You have not made her obey, you have only conditioned her to respond differently. That is training. If you take a 13 week-old baby who is fussing, and squirming and pop her leg, it will only bring more fussing and crying. The child cannot relate those 2 events. She most likely has a tummy ache that needs some relief, not added pain. Ask God for wisdom. He promises to give to those who simply ask.Deb

Ok, to pick this apart, because that is my mood at the moment…  The words of NGJ are italic/red.

“Training should not be tense, upsetting, hurtful, or pushed.”
For “Pushed” and “Upsetting (to the child)”, See ->  Training Fleshy Flesh

For “hurtful”, See -> Just How Hard

“A tiny stimulus to direct the child when they are small is enough. For example, if a 3 month-old nursing baby bites, don’t spank. She does not know she did bad. Just gently pull a hair on her head. She will startle back in momentary discomfort and immediately start nursing again. The tiny bit of discomfort makes the baby relate the biting down with the gentle pulling of the hair. You have not made her obey, you have only conditioned her to respond differently.”

If your infant bites during nursing, bring her closer to the breast.  She will immediately let go because the mouth cannot suck properly unless it is at the right angle to the breast. The result is instantaneous, and she is not hurt in any way.  Further, because the response from her is a reflex, instead of one that requires her tiny brain make a mental connection, she will not be psychologically harmed.  Do not push the baby’s face far enough into your own flesh that you are depriving them of oxygen, even for a second.  That is not the reflex I’m talking about. This action might not physically harm them in the second or two that it continues, but it does trigger a psychological response of broken trust.  See the LLL site for demonstration and a more technical description..

The child nurses from the mother for nourishment.  But the actual act of nursing is much more complex than that.  Aside from the release of pleasure hormones from the milk (which is not evil, but something highly valuable for the development of the child), the baby and the mother are developing a bond and connection during nursing that will carry on into the rest of the child’s and mother’s lives.  This connection is highly involved with the development of the child’s confidence, self-esteem, sense of value, and the ability to love and be loved.

I will include additional resources here over the next day or two, but in the mean time, for more information on the value of nursing our children, please simply to go LLL and browse the site.

I cannot imagine intentionally causing my child to feel (pain) what her tiny brain cannot properly interpret, but knows is undesired.  Especially during a time where she is in bliss and trust, love, and security, such as experienced during breastfeeding.  It brings such sorrow to me to even contemplate hurting my child in response to her innocently causing me discomfort (especially during nursing).  And at three months old, she isn’t biting you out of mischief or defiance.  She isn’t.  She doesn’t have the mental capacity to “think” like this at such a young age.

A note to mothers who extend their nurse period into the point of life where the child has language recognition, you can tell your child that he/she is using her teeth and that it isn’t what Mama wants to feel.  I caution you with using the term, “You’re hurting Mama”.  I learned the hard way what heartache is felt when your child responds to you with the guilt of feeling as though they have done something to “hurt” their mama… I will never tell my child she is Hurting me during nursing again.

But if using words is insufficient, you can still use the same technique of bringing the face/head in closer than is appropriate for allowing the child to nurse properly.  They will stop the bite.  They will let go, and they will continue then to nurse (if you can tolerate it).  Again, you’re not hurting them, you’re not breaching their trust and security, and you’re not forcing them to make a connection mentally.  You’re triggering a reflex. Don’t bring them so close they feel as if they might suffocate, and don’t do it for more than a split second.  If they don’t let go immediately, take a moment and repeat for another split second.  Don’t deprive your child of oxygen even for a moment.  Don’t force their face into your flesh far enough that you are depriving them of oxygen.  This isn’t what is happening when this technique is used properly.

Mothers, please, please educate yourselves as to the value of breastfeeding, beyond simple nutrition, so that you fully comprehend the bond, and the results of this wonderful gift.

_____________________________________________________________________

Here is just one quote of warning to those who don’t comply.  More to follow –

“If you do not see the wisdom in what I have said, and you reject these concepts, you are not fit to be a parent. I pity your children. They will never experience the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do.”   -Michael Pearl    Source