The most pathetic…

http://chastisewithlove.com/feedback_jan03.html

I need to share this with you.  Everything about the website shown above is wrong, on so many levels.

I hate this.
It sickens me.. as in, physically ill to the point of needing to either vomit or scream.

I hate the damaging of life, especially of those helpless to stop it.

If only I could somehow effect the same damage to the one doing the spanking, in great enough amounts, enormous even… that their pain would be immense enough they’d WAKE UP.

If you are a kid who struggles with parents who choose to control your life with these methods, and you’d like someone to talk to, send me a message.  What is shown below is wrong.  WRONG. Children are too valuable to be degraded in such a manner.  It is the weak and pathetic adult who resorts to such cruelty as is shown below.

Argue with me.  Go ahead.

______________________________________________________________________

What follows is a set of detailed instructions on how to damage your child.
Here is how to humiliate, how to confuse, how to destroy trust, and how to cause shame.

It continues to sicken me how frequently this page is accessed, and now I have a comment from someone who I wish I could meet in person with some duct tape and a freeze ray.  I chose to remove the Spanking Positions page from public view because of the thousands of hits a day it received.  That alone should say enough… Why do we, as a society, take so long to learn and become aware of our own demise.

Nothing that follows contains an ounce of good.  Nothing here is beneficial to growth, helpful in character, or honoring.  None of it! This teaches fear, shame, and resentment.  Repentance is not what you are seeing if you use these methods, you’re seeing a learned survival response.  You are harming your child if this even remotely represents how you parent.  There are so many other solutions so produce an intelligent, self controlled little person.. So many other ways that don’t include diminishing, shaming, or damaging… THIS IS SO FAR FROM ANYTHING GOOD.   GET IT YET???

Please, please, stop for a moment and observe your little ones.  They have so much to teach us.

I have removed all other imagery from this post as I suspect its popularity has more to do with the sexual than the parental.  The male in the picture below has his penis up against the wall, pants down; the female is being spared the humiliation. They’ve both just received a spanking. Gender aside, you tell me what else this picture says.

I’d like to direct you to a very powerful essay written by a woman who would likely be unable to prevent the onslaught of uncontrolable trembling upon seeing this image…

THIS IS WRONG. SICKENING.

IF YOU THINK THIS IS HOW TO PARENT, I CHALLENGE YOU TO BECOME SOMETHING MUCH GREATER AND START BY LEARNING THE HARM AND DAMAGE YOU’RE CAUSING YOUR CHILD BY FOLLOWING THIS.

Spanking techniques

Preparation
Before placing the child over your lap, you may want to remove any keys or other hard items from your pocket. You might also wish to remove the rings or other jewelry from your spanking hand. Many parents prefer to roll up their sleeves prior to the spanking. It’s important that there be no obstructions preventing you from spanking safely.If you’re going to sit on a chair, place it in the center of the room. If you’re using a bed, keep a safe distance from any bedposts so the child will not get hurt from uncontrolled movements; sitting on the side of the bed usually works best. Seating yourself in the middle of a couch in order to administer an over-the-lap spanking is even better still.

Placing an uncooperative child into over-the-lap position
(Reader’s contribution, June 2002): “If the child won’t lie across your lap on a bed or couch, try this. Right-handedness is assumed. If left-handed, replace left with right, and vice versa.

Find an armless chair which, when you sit in it, your thigh is above the child’s knee, ideally at about the middle of the child’s thighs. Take the child’s left wrist in your right hand and take him/her to your selected chair. Sit down, with the child on your right side. For this to work, you must spread your knees. The child’s weight will be supported on your lap, and by spreading your knees, you gain stability. Transfer the child’s wrist to your left hand and pull him/her over your lap. Pull him/her to your left, and lean, if you must. The child has to lean forward against your right thigh, and once you’ve pulled his/her center of gravity past your thigh, he/she will “trip” over your right thigh and instinctively will catch himself/herself with his/her right hand on your left thigh. He/she will now be lying across your lap, with his/her feet off the floor. Now, use your left hand to hold his/her upper body. The right hand, of course, is occupied with the now positioned bottom.

It is always preferable to get the child to cooperate, but if the spanking is necessary and he/she won’t accept it, try this.”

Bare bottom or not?
The majority of parents who use spanking prefer to spank their children bare-bottomed. It has a number of advantages:

  • it will hurt more than a spanking on the outer clothes or on the under clothes. Therefore, it is best for spanking with the hand (spanking a fully clothed bottom with the hand is fairly ineffective)
  • it allows the parent to gauge the severity of the spanking (visual feedback)
  • it feels more natural for parents to spank a child’s bare rather than clothed bottom
  • it is fairer: spanking on whatever garment the child happens to wear would allow a random factor to play a major role – spanking on the bare treats every child and every case equal
  • the smacking sound – much more pronounced than a spanking on pants – adds to the psychological impact
  • the act of baring the bottom and presenting it for the spanking makes the spanking more formal and ceremonial – it increases the important “ritual” aspect of the punishment experience

Some people feel that bare bottom spanking should be discouraged because it is too painful or too embarrassing for the child. Of course, it depends on cultural differences and the individual family. But if spankings are given as recommended here (only by parents, only in privacy, only with the hand, and in a loving and non-humiliating manner), this argument cannot be upheld.Alternatives
A good alternative – a middle course – between spanking fully clothed and spanking bare-bottomed is spanking on the underpants. This retains most of the bare-bottom advantages listed above. While denim jeans estimatedly absorb about 70% of a spanking’s impact, underpants absorb only 10-20%. Psychologically, the exposing of the child’s underwear constitutes an “act of baring” too, albeit less powerful than the exposing of the bare bottom.

Feb-2001: A reader recommends yet another solution: “If you are hesitant to spank a bare bottom, have the child wear a thin pair of panties or the tight spandex shorts they wear these days, then either get them wet before the child puts them on or have the child get them wet in the sink, shower or bath after being put on. This makes the fabric cling to the buttocks making a good view for the spanker and still protects the skin. The child feels the pressure of the fabric on the bottom before the spanks begin which seems to remind them of what is coming. An older child can lay on the bed with 2 pillows under the hips and pull the pants tighter with both hands. This method makes the child very aware of their bottom raised in the air and poised for the spanking to come (…) This method still stings and reddens the bottom a great deal.”

Oct-2001: Another reader suggests a way to bare a child’s bottom without removing or pulling down his/her underwear. “All you have to do (after pulling down the pants) is to place the child on your lap with his underwear still on. You take both edges and pull them to the center and tuck them in the crack. Although this is not a complete baring, it does show a large portion of flesh and will leave the sit spot available for the spanking.”

Dec-2002: Another idea is to tell your child to prepare for his/her spanking by putting on a pair of drop-seat pajamas without underwear (see reader’s feedback, Dec 6, 2002). Opening the rear flap gives the parent easy access to the bare bottom without frontal nudity. Drop-seat pajamas may be a little difficult to find nowadays but if you can sew you can try using these old sewing patterns, or try shopping for drop-seat pajamas/long johns herehere, or here.

Taking the pants down
The pants can either be taken down to the ankles, to the knees (half way down), or to just below the buttocks, although the latter is less advisable (taking the pants a bit lower than absolutely necessary increases the ritual aspect of the baring). They can also be removed completely; then they won’t be dangling somewhere. For reasons of modesty, the pants are best taken down just before the child gets into position. For girls who wear dresses or skirts, the skirt can simply be turned up after the girl is over the parent’s lap.(Reader’s contribution, Mar 2005) “When taking the pants down, the parent should not just yank them down. This not only eliminates the ritual aspect of the baring, but in case of a boy, could cause injury to his genitals. The procedure should be done slowly, but deliberately. With the child standing in front of you, slide the outer garment (pants or shorts) down to the desired position, leaving the underwear in place. Then take down the underwear to the desired position, preferably slightly higher than the outer garment, but low enough to bare the entire bottom. If the child is wearing a garment that does not require underwear, such as pajamas, take the pants down to the same position as if it were underwear. During this procedure the child may be whining or crying; promising not to do it again. Maintain eye contact, but do not reply verbally, continue to take the pants down. This will not only increase the ritual aspect of the baring, but will insure the child understands the parent is in complete control. When the spanking is over; with younger children, 2 to 5, the parent should pull the pants up, even if the child was allowed to do the baring as described below. This will give the child a sense of finality. An older child may require more time to compose him or herself. It’s would be okay for the parent to say “When you’re ready, pull up your pants and come on out”. Then leave the room.”

Some parents ask/order their children to take down their pants, allowing/forcing them to cooperate. Others prefer to do the act themselves. Both approaches have advantages and disadvantages. It also depends on the individual situation and the child. If children refuse to cooperate, it may help to let them put their hands on their head for the procedure – this will minimize the hassle. If children are penitent and cooperative, it is okay to allow them to do the baring itself (see “Cooperative children“).

Breathing
(Added May, 2003) A spanking is exhausting for the parent, but even more so for the child. It can actually compare to the physical effects of a one-mile run. It promotes the circulation and increases the pulse. This in turn requires breathing faster and deeper. In extreme cases it can lead to hyperventilation.

Therefore it is a very important safeguard to make sure the child is breathing normally before commencing the spanking. After checking you’re sufficiently calmed down yourself, it is recommendable to ask a question such as “are you ready for your spanking?” to find out whether your child is both physically and mentally ready.

If your child appears out of breath, e.g. from running away in an attempt to escape the punishment or from a heated discussion beforehand, give him/her time to calm down to normal pulse and breathing before beginning the punishment. If your child appears out of breath during the spanking, stop immediately.

Positioning: How to spank a 3 year old
(Reader’s contribution, Dec 2002): “Place the child over your lap. When spanking a 3 year old it is not necessary to lift your arm high, you only need to lift your wrist at the elbow. If the child tries to squirm out of position than you can place your left elbow at the right side of the child, level with the child’s shoulder. This should mean that your hand will be positioned at the waist and you will be able to pull the child closer to your body. This will trap the child between your body and your left arm. This will stop the child from squirming and make the spanking safer.”

Readying your hand
There are basically two ways of spanking with an open hand. The first is to stiffen your hand, flattening it like a paddle. This is less advisable because it’s likely to make you feel aggressive and overly mechanical. Besides, it creates an unfavorable impact.

Figure 1. Spanking with a stiffened hand.The alternative is to have your hand relaxed and flexible (especially at the wrist), like a strap. This figures to be the better choice. If you have ever played congas, bongos, tennis or squash, you will know what it means to keep your wrist flexible. Keep your four fingers together and relaxed, too. Note that it will be mainly your fingers that do the work, not your palm. Your thumb will not participate much, so you can move it a bit out of the way. Concentrate on where and how your four fingers make contact with the child’s bottom.

Figure 2. Spanking with a relaxed hand.Cupping the hand while spanking the bare bottom of a smaller child reduces the pain produced. At the same time, it produces a much louder sound – this makes the spanking seem more severe than it acually is. This trick can be very useful. It increases the psychologic effect while keeping the physical pain to a minimum.

Figure 3. Spanking with a cupped hand.Don’t lift your arm high. You would only sacrifice accuracy to apparent power.

Distribution
Do not restrict the spanks to any one area, but try to distribute them evenly over the whole of the buttocks. Determine just where you want each spank to land. If the spanking is bare-bottom, you’ll be able to see the skin redden as you smack it and direct your hand accordingly. Generally, keep a safe distance from the kidneys, the coccyx and the genital area (the latter especially when spanking a boy). Also, spank only the convex part of the buttocks, not the sides.

Figure 4. The blue areas show the “prohibited zones”: the kidney (K), the coccyx (C) and the genital (G) area. The orange areas indicate where spanking is safe. The lower half of each buttock (the “sit spot”, just above the place where the thigh and the bottom meets, shown in pink) is particularly suitable for spanking. The drawing on the right illustrates how to find the recommended area: keep about one inch (3 cm) lower than the top of the crack. Never spank higher than that.Since the bottom is divided into two cheeks, there are three options for placing each spank – left cheek, right cheek, or both cheeks together. Spanks that cover both cheeks can be particularly effective, but to ensure a good distribution, it’s best to use all three areas in a random pattern (e.g. l, r, b, r, b, b, l, l, r, b, b…).

Speed and rhythm
There are two schools of thought. One says to spank at a steady pace, with roughly equal intervals between the spanks. The spanking rate can be as fast as 2-3 spanks per second (quick slapping) or as slow as only one spank in 3-4 seconds. Generally, spankings with an implement (e.g. a paddle) – which are discouraged on this website – should be slower than hand spankings.

The “steady pace” style, however, is somewhat robotic. So, the other approach is to vary the tempo all the time. Also, the location and force of each spank should change in a random fashion. This will make each smack unpredictable and the overall spanking more effective.

Building up
Imagine yourself giving (or receiving), say, five spanks of different strength – very light, light, medium, hard, very hard. Does the order in which these spanks are given matter?

Physically, the order should be irrelevant: the total effect is the sum of the spanks, and the result of a sum does not depend on the order of its components. This law applies to the physical aspects of the spanking, such as the redness that results from the spanks. A spanking however is not given for physical but for psychological reasons; and psychologically, the order does matter. Spanks given in an increasing pattern have a stronger effect than the same spanks given in a decreasing pattern. Parents can use this effect to reduce the number of spanks (and their summed up physical impact) needed to reach the desired result.

Of course, when giving a spanking that consists of more than 5 spanks, it is neither practicable nor desirable to increase the strength throughout. There are limits on both ends of the scale – too light spanks are ineffective while too hard spanks are unsafe. For this reason, it is recommendable to use sub-patterns of increasing strength – like an (ideally, somewhat irregular) sawtooth function. If you’re familiar with musical terms, think of a series of short crescendos. Many parents will intuitively follow this principle when giving a spanking.

Note: increasing the speed of the spanking in a likewise manner (accellerando) is not a very good idea. If the spanks come too fast, they are actually felt less, not more. Generally, for maximum impact each spank should be given sufficient time to “sink in” before the next spank.

The first spank is important
As an exception to the “building up” rule, the first spank should not be a weak one. It is too psychologically important. Start with a good first swat to get your child’s full attention, then decrease.

Changing the position
(Reader’s contribution, 2001): After spanking with the child in the usual position, i.e. bottom to the right and head to the left, try reversing the position and continuing the spanking with the hand applying the spanks pointed downwards towards the base of the bottom.This enables the spanks to land in a slightly different region and thus increases the coverage.

“I had the idea when I was watching my sister give a spanking to her young son whilst in the standing position. For the reasons you give I don’t favour that position but it occurred to me that her hand pointing downward meant that she was making contact with the lower middle part of his bottom in a way which my spankings did not. I then realised that the same effect could be achieved by having the child’s bottom on the left hand side. This method also introduces a little variety and additional ritual into the proceedings which I rather like.”

Duration
When setting up house rules, some parents agree on fixed numbers of spanks for certain offenses. This scheme is traditionally mostly used for canings because the severity of the implement necessarily keeps the number of strokes low; e.g. 3 or 6 strokes with the cane (“six of the best”).

For spankings given with the flat hand, it is appropriate to give at most 2-3 times as many spanks as the child’s age. In practice, many parents don’t count the smacks – they just stop when they feel the punishment has been sufficient. This flexible approach is preferable because it allows to take the child’s reaction into account.

In addition, counting each spank makes the exercise cold and impersonal. This may be something for judicial corporal punishment, but not for a normal parent-child spanking.

During the spanking
During the spanking, it is best to keep silent. For one thing, you can concentrate better on each spank when you are not talking. Also, your child’s thoughts should be focussed entirely on the spanking. You’re probably familar with the “Now <spank> will you <spank> promise <spank> to be <spank> good? <spank>” approach. Avoid this if you can. By asking questions during the spanking you will distract your child. In effect, neither your words nor your spanks will get the attention they need.

Use your voice during the spanking only to control your children verbally when they have gotten out of position (see the next section). But don’t use your voice to keep your children from crying. Crying is natural in this situation and not an act of disobedience. Tears are good and purifying.

The “layer cake” method
(Added May, 2003) This method was suggested by a former public school teacher who has been instructing parents with great success on how to spank effectively. In this method, the spanking is split into a series of intervals with a dialogue phase in between each “layer”.

“With the “layer cake” approach, the necessary preparation and explanation are followed by sufficient spanking to ensure the child’s attention. Then, with the child either repositioned so that he or she is standing at the parent’s knee or still in position, the parent reasons with the child. The parent then spanks enough to make sure that he or she has the child’s undivided attention before pausing to reason with the child once more. A little more talking is then followed by a little more spanking. (…)

All comments made by the parent during the punishment should be positive, specifically addressing the parent’s faith in the child to fulfill the parent’s reasonable expectation, since the spanking addresses the parent’s displeasure with the child’s past behavior (as well as maintaining the child’s undivided attention). The reasoning is meant to provide balance in the child’s mind as the parent directs and amends the child’s thinking process from the past and into the future. Repetition, ritual, and reinforcement are key components of “layer cake”. So the lesson the parent desires to teach is not likely to have to be repeated. (…)

The spanking and pauses for discussion should proceed at a pace with which the parent is comfortable and the child is appropriately responsive. The planned pauses allow both the parent and child to reflect on the disciplinary process. In particular, it permits the parent to concentrate on one task at a time while gauging the effectiveness. (…) The alternating pattern of reinforcing “layers” spanking and dialogue continues until the parent is absolutely sure that the child has “gotten the message”. Then, the parent finishes the session with sufficient spanking to bring the child to a full flow of cleansing tears and repentance. Of course, it goes without saying that, unreserved reconciliation follows.”

Note: Some children cry more easily than others. For this reason, crying is not an objective indicator to judge whether the punishment is enough. If your child doesn’t cry easily, you should not assume that a spanking isn’t effective just because he/she isn’t crying. Tears are cleansing, but they aren’t a must.

For more details on the “layer cake” method, see Reader’s Feedback, April 30, 2003.

Positive reinforcement
(Added May, 2003) When discussing the child’s behavior, try to use positive statements addressing your faith in the child to fulfill your expectations. The reasoning is meant to provide balance in the child’s mind as the parent directs and amends the child’s thinking process from the past and into the future.

Here are some examples for positive verbal reinforcement: “I know that you can do better and you know it, too, don’t you? You are much better than your recent behavior is telling the world that you are; isn’t it? Way down, deep inside, you really are a good kid; aren’t you? You know, I would not trade you for any child in the whole wide world. You are mine and I am keeping you. Even now, I love you more than you know at this moment. You really are a good kid. I am never letting you go. But, we are here because we are not going to let the way you have acted get in the way of who you are and what you can become! You really are bunches and bunches better than you have behaved recently. Why just the other day your grandmother (teacher, whoever, or I) was saying (praise, praise, praise) …”

To be avoided at all costs (UNLESS YOU ARE MICHAEL PEARL) are guaranteed spirit-breakers such as, “You are just like you father (or mother); how could you be so stupid?” or “Why can’t you be like your sister (or older brother, cousin, etc.); she (or he)’s so perfect; why can’t you be just like her (him)?” Also to be avoided are open-ended questions for which no real answer may exist. These may include, “Why do you behave like that?” Often, the child has no idea.

For more details on positive reinforcement, see Reader’s Feedback, April 30, 2003.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT WORTH READING.  IT’S JUST AS SICK AND TWISTED AS THE SPANKING IS.

Keeping in position
Assuming a good position before the spanking begins is important, but sometimes it can be difficult to maintain. The child may start kicking, squirming, or trying to cover his/her bottom with his/her hand. If so, the parent must counteract because such resistance jeopardizes the safety of the spanking.

The best solution is to verbally get the child back into the proper position. It can help to let the child grab the legs of the chair, or the parent’s legs. This will make it easier to keep his/her hands in front and give them some physical (and moral) support. If this still doesn’t help and the child’s hand flings back, it should be held, “pinned down”, at the small of the child’s back with the parent’s free left hand, allowing the spanking to continue.

To prevent kicking, the best solution again is verbal instruction. As a physical countermeasure if verbal instruction doesn’t help, the child’s legs can be tucked under the parent’s right leg (see chapter “Positions“). Also, the child’s pants, if they are bunched at the knees or ankles, will limit the freedom to kick.

After the spanking
Remember that after the spanking, the child has “paid” for his/her misbehavior and should be fully forgiven, effective immediately. The slate is clean again. Reassure your child, tell him/her how much he/she is loved and that the punishment was necessary to keep him/her from repeating the bad act. If he/she is crying, hold him/her on your lap until the tears subside, and hug him/her. Have some tissue or a hanky ready to clean his/her eyes and nose.After the child has regained his/her constitution, help him/her to get dressed again. You can let him/her apologize to you (or the offended person, if different), and promise not to repeat the bad behavior. This will strengthen the educational effect. Do not apologize for having given the spanking. If you truly felt that such a punishment was deserved, it was your responsibility to carry it out. You don’t want to undermine the deterrence factor by suggesting that you spanked unfairly.

Let the spanking stand as the punishment for the offense, and do not humiliate your child by mentioning the offense or its penalty in public. The child has paid and the issue is settled. Fully reintegrate the child to the family, and make sure all family members accept the punishment as sufficient, so that they will reaccept the child as well. Do not tolerate any further angry words (e.g. from your spouse) about the misbehavior. The matter is to be considered closed.

Corner Time

(Added Nov, 2009) Corner time is often either used before or after the spanking. This website recommends that after the spanking, the child has “paid” for his/her misbehavior and that the use of corner time as additional punishment is unnecessary. However, one of the obvious benefits of using corner time before the spanking is that it can give an angry parent time to calm down before administering the spanking. Another benefit is that the corner time can increase the child’s anticipation & dread of the impending spanking, making the entire experience even more unpleasant. That said, it is still the opinion of this website that corner time is not needed unless the parent finds one or both of the aforementioned benefits useful or necessary.

Lotion
(Added Nov, 2003) Some readers recommend to put lotion on the child’s bottom after the spanking. Normally this shouldn’t be necessary, and parents might also argue that doing so is not pedagogically desirable. Still, it will do no harm and, like the hug, it might help in showing the child he/she is fully forgiven.

Recommended lotions are after-sun lotions and aloe-vera-based lotions – generally, any lotion which is cooling and soothing.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NO WORDS

UTTERLY DISGUSTED

 

Resources: Understanding Ostracism, Timeouts

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/805746/positive-discipline-why-timeouts-dont-work

http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Ostracism

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/04/social.aspx

http://www.powells.com/biblio?isbn=9781572306899

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-922731.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=M0flM4dgpDUC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=timeouts+ostracism&source=bl&ots=NNNExUmWFw&sig=CqcXM8QwYW_Em3HQSdQbxsmn_-8&hl=en&ei=Se-OTL6JLYSdlgfovZm0Dg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBsQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

List goes on… I’ll add more as we go.

Awful Library Books: Train Up Your Child

Source: Awful Library Books

Train Up Your Child

June 6, 2010 · 53 Comments

To Train Up a Child
Pearl
1994

Submitter: I actually remember my mother having this book at some point (I don’t think she ascribed to it). Two children have died as a result of the author’s child care advice and one other was in critical condition.  At some point some books aren’t even funny to joke about and just need to be removed because they endanger society. This is why I weed – to get stuff like this that might hurt others off the self.

Here is what Amazon Reviewer R. Craig “Mother” said and I couldn’t have built a case better myself. Currently World Cat has 56 libraries still holding this material.

Here are some details:

1) The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old on their bare skin. They describe whipping their own 4 month old daughter (p.9). They recommend whipping the bare skin of “every child” (p.2) for “Christians and non-Christians” (p.5) and for “every transgression” (p.1). Parents who don’t whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as indifferent, lazy, careless and neglectful (p.19) and are “creating a Nazi” (p.45).

2) On p.60 they recommend whipping babies who cannot sleep and are crying, and to never allow them “to get up.” On p.61 they recommend whipping a 12 month old girl for crying. On p.79 they recommend whipping a 7 month old for screaming.

3) On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with. On p.56 Debi Pearl hits a 2 year old so hard “a karate chop like wheeze came from somewhere deep inside.”

4) On p.44 they say not to let the child’s crying while being hit to “cause you to lighten up on the intensity or duration of the spanking.” On p.59 they recommend whipping a 3 year old until he is “totally broken.”

5) On p.55 the Pearls say a mother should hit her child if he cries for her.

6) On p.46 the Pearls say that if a child does obey before being whipped, whip them anyway. And “if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher.” “Defeat him totally.” On p.80 they recommend giving a child having a tantrum “a swift *forceful* spanking.” On the same page they say to whip small children on their bare skin until they stop screaming. “Don’t be bullied. Give him more of the same.” They say to continue whipping until their crying turns into a “wounded, submissive whimper.”

7) On p.47 they recommend their various whips, including “a belt or larger tree branch” to hit children.

8) The Pearls recommend pulling a nursing infant’s hair (p.7), and describe tripping their non-swimming toddler so she falls into deep water (p.67). They recommend ignoring an infant’s bumped head when he falls to the floor, and ignoring skinned knees (p.86). They also say “if your child is roughed-up by peers, rejoice.” (p.81) And on p.103 the Pearls say if children lose their shoes, “let them go without until they (the children) can make the money to buy more.”

9) The Pearls claim their “training” methods are Godly, yet they have *no religious training or credentials* They never mention Jesus’ injunctions to forgive “seventy times seven” and be merciful, and they decry the “extraordinary ingnorance of modern psychology.”

The Pearls’ methods have resulted in parents being investigated by Child Protective Services, children being taken away from parents, a restraining order against a father, and even a babysitter going to jail on felony charges!

Spank – injure by striking

…that should leave the child in a “wounded, submissive whimper” and “without breath to complain.”

This to teach the child who’s in control and not to be questioned. The Pearls recommend keeping a plumbing line in every room and even one around the neck to remind the child of that message.

Please take a moment to review the dictionary and thesaurus as they define and discuss the word spank (verb).  Note the antonyms as well.  (The complete listing is found at the end of this post.)

Main Entry: punish
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: penalize for wrongdoing
Synonyms: abuse, attend to, batter, beat, beat up, blacklist, castigate, chasten, chastise, correct, crack down on, cuff, debar, defrock, discipline, dismiss, do in, execute, exile, expel, fine, flog, give a going over, give the works, harm, hurt, immure, incarcerate, injure, knock about, lash, lecture, maltreat, misuse, oppress, paddle, rap knuckles, reprove, rough up, scourge, sentence, slap wrist, spank, switch, teach a lesson, throw the book at, train, whip
Antonyms: award, exonerate, let go, praise, protect, reward

Mike’s Response (to the Schatz case)

We do not teach “corporal punishment” nor “hitting” children. We teach parents how to train their children, which sometimes requires the limited and controlled application of a spanking instrument to hold the child’s attention on admonition. Over 1,000,000 parents have applied these Biblical principles with joyful results.

The courts have never charged NGJ Ministries with teaching abuse; quite the contrary. In a former case where a woman owned one copy of To Train Up A Child, the prosecuting attorney used that very book as testimony against her out of control methods. Likewise Ramsey, the prosecutor in the Schatz case, is quick to point out that No Greater Joy does not advocate spanking to the point of serious injury.

If indeed these parents were abusive, and that has not yet been proven by the courts, it is regretful that our teachings were not able to turn them from their predisposition to abusive habits. Those of us who deal with substance abuse, psychological impairment, and family issues, try to make positive changes in every person, but sometimes our best efforts are too little or too late. But for the sake of our precious children, we must double our efforts and move forward.

Michael Pearl, CEO
No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc

Mr. Pearl, you are incorrigible. And you are digging your own grave, and those that follow you.

Jonestown, anyone?

Main Entry: incorrigible
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: bad, hopeless
Synonyms: abandoned, beastly, hardened, incurable, intractable, inveterate, irredeemable, irreparable, loser, recidivous, uncorrectable, unreformed, useless, wicked
Antonyms: good, manageable, nice, obedient, reformable

Main Entry: abandoned
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: free from moral restraint; uninhibited
Synonyms: corrupt, depraved, dissolute, immoral, incontinent, incorrigible, licentious, profligate, shameless, sinful, uncontrolled, unprincipled, unrestrained, wanton, wicked, wild
Antonyms: chaste, innocent, moral, pure, restrained, virtuous

Main Entry: fanatical
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: overenthusiastic
Synonyms: biased, bigoted, bugged, burning*, contumacious, credulous, devoted, dogmatic, domineering, enthusiastic, erratic, extreme, fervent, feverish, fiery, frenzied, headstrong, high on, immoderate, impassioned, impulsive, incorrigible, infatuated, mad, monomaniacal, narrow-minded, nuts for, obsessed, obsessive, obstinate, opinionated, partial, partisan, passionate, possessed, prejudiced, rabid, radical, raving, single-minded, stubborn, turned on, unruly, violent, visionary, wild, willful, zealous
Antonyms: disinterested, dispassionate, impartial, unenthusiastic

spank

–verb (used with object)

1.

to strike (a person, usually a child) with the open hand, a slipper, etc., esp. on the buttocks, as in punishment.
–noun

2.

a blow given in spanking; a smart or resounding slap.

Origin:
1720–30; imit.

spank

–verb (used without object)

to move rapidly, smartly, or briskly.

Origin:
1800–10; back formation from spanking
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.
Cite This Source

Link To spank

Word Origin & History

spank

1727, possibly imitative of the sound of spanking. The noun is from 1785.
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
Cite This Source

// // spank

spank pronunciation (spāngk)  
v.   spanked, spank·ing, spanks

v.   tr.
To slap on the buttocks with a flat object or with the open hand, as for punishment.
v.   intr.
To move briskly or spiritedly.
n.  A slap on the buttocks.

spank

– 10 of 19 thesaurus results

Main Entry: spank
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: slap, usually on bottom
Synonyms: belt, blip, box, buffet, cane, chastise, clobber, clout, cuff, flax, flog, hide, larrup, lash, lather, leather, lick, paddle, punch, punish, put over one’s knee, smack, sock, tan one’s hide, tan*, thrash, trim, wallop, welt, whip, whup

* = informal/non-formal usage

Main Entry: beat
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: injure by striking
Synonyms: bang, bash, bat, batter, belt, box, break, bruise, buffet, cane, castigate, clout, club, collide, crush, cudgel, drub, flagellate, flail, flog, hammer, hit, knock, lambaste*, lash, lick*, maltreat, mash, maul, pelt, pound, pummel, punch, punish, ram, rap, slap, slug, smack, spank, strike, swat, thrash, thresh, thump, thwack, trounce, wallop, whale, whip
Antonyms: aid, assist, guard, help, protect

* = informal/non-formal usage

// //

Main Entry: buffet
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: hit repeatedly
Synonyms: bang, batter, beat, blow, box, bump, clobber, cuff, flail, jolt, knock, pound, pummel, push, rap, shove, slap, smack, spank, strike, thrash, thump, wallop

Main Entry: chastise
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: scold, discipline
Synonyms: baste, beat, berate, castigate, censure, chasten, chew out, climb all over, correct, ferule, flog, lash, lay into, lean on, pummel, punish, ream, scourge, skelp, slap down, spank, thrash, upbraid, whip
Notes: chasten means to correct by punishment, to take to task – to restrain or subdue; chastise means to punish, as by beating or to criticize severely
Antonyms: cheer, comfort, compliment, encourage, forgive, inspirit, promote

// //

Main Entry: cuff
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: beat with hands
Synonyms: bat, belt, biff, box, buffet, clap, clobber, clout, hit, knock, pummel, punch, slap, smack, spank, thump, whack

Main Entry: drub
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: thrash
Synonyms: beat, cane, clobber, defeat, flog, hit, lash, pound, spank, strike, tan, trounce, wallop, whip

// //

Main Entry: flagellate
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: whip, lash
Synonyms: beat, beat the living daylights out of, belt, flay, flog, hit, lash, spank, tan someone’s hide, tan*, thrash

* = informal/non-formal usage

Main Entry: flog
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: whip, lash
Synonyms: beat, belt, cane, castigate, chastise, ferule, flagellate, flax, flay, give the cat o’nine tails, hide, hit, larrup, lather, leather, paddle, scourge, spank, strike, stripe, tan one’s hide, thrash, trounce, wax, whack, whale, whomp, whop

Main Entry: hit
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: strike, bump
Synonyms: bang, bat, bell-ringer, belt, blow, bonk, box*, buffet, butt, chop, clash, clip, clout, collision, cuff, fisticuff, glance, impact, knock, lick*, one-two punch, paste, pat, plunk, punch, rap, roundhouse, shock, shot, slap, slog, smack, smash, sock, spank, stroke, swat, swing, swipe, tap, uppercut, wallop, whammy, whop, zap, zinger

* = informal/non-formal usage

Main Entry: hurt
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: cause physical pain; experience pain
Synonyms: abuse, ache, afflict, ail, be sore, be tender, belt, bite, blemish, bruise, burn, cramp, cut, cut up, damage, disable, do violence, flail, flog, harm, impair, injure, kick, lacerate, lash, maltreat, mar, maul, mess up, nip, pierce, pinch, pommel, prick, pummel, punch, puncture, punish, rough up, shake up, slap, slug, smart, spank, spoil, squeeze, stab, sting, tear, throb, torment, torture, total, trouble, wax, whack, whip, wing, wound, wrack up, wring
Antonyms: aid, assist, assuage, cure, heal, help, relieve, remedy, soothe

Main Entry: lick
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: defeat, sometimes by hitting
Synonyms: beat, best, clobber, conquer, down, excel, flog, hit, hurdle, lambaste, master, outdo, outstrip, overcome, overwhelm, rout, slap, smear, smother, spank, strike, surmount, surpass, thrash, throw, top, trim, trounce, vanquish, wallop, whip
Antonyms: lose

Main Entry: punish
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: penalize for wrongdoing
Synonyms: abuse, attend to, batter, beat, beat up, blacklist, castigate, chasten, chastise, correct, crack down on, cuff, debar, defrock, discipline, dismiss, do in, execute, exile, expel, fine, flog, give a going over, give the works, harm, hurt, immure, incarcerate, injure, knock about, lash, lecture, maltreat, misuse, oppress, paddle, rap knuckles, reprove, rough up, scourge, sentence, slap wrist, spank, switch, teach a lesson, throw the book at, train, whip
Antonyms: award, exonerate, let go, praise, protect, reward

// <![CDATA[// // <![CDATA[//

Main Entry: slap
Part of Speech: noun, verb
Definition: hard hit, often with hand
Synonyms: bang, bash, blip, blow, box, buffet, bust, chop, clap, clout, crack, cuff, pat, percuss, poke, potch, punch, slam, smack, sock, spank, strike, swat, wallop, whack, wham

Main Entry: smack
Part of Speech: noun, verb
Definition: strike, often with hand
Synonyms: bang, blip, blow, box, buffet, chop, clap, clout, crack, cuff, hit, pat, punch, slap, snap, sock, spank, tap

Main Entry: tan
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: flog, whip
Synonyms: baste, beat, belt, cane, dust someone’s britches, flay, hide, hit, lambaste, lash, leather, paddle, paddlewhack, punish, spank, strap, strike, switch, tan one’s hide, thrash, warm someone’s seat, wax, whack, whale, whomp

Main Entry: thrash
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: flail about; beat
Synonyms: batter, beat up, belabor, belt, birch, buffet, bury, cane, chasten, chastise, clobber, crush, defeat, flagellate, flog, jerk, kill, lambaste*, lick, maul, murder, overwhelm, paste, pelt, pitch, pound, pummel, punish, rout, rush, scourge, seesaw, slaughter, spank, stir, strike, surge, tan, tan one’s hide, thresh, toss, toss and turn, trash, trim, trounce, wallop, wax, whip, work over, writhe
Antonyms: be still

* = informal/non-formal usage

Main Entry: whip
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: hit repeatedly
Synonyms: bash, beat, birch, bludgeon, cane, castigate, chastise, cudgel, drub, ferule, flagellate, flog, hide, larrup, lash, lather, punish, scourge, spank, strap, strike, switch, tan, thrash, trash, wallop, whale, whomp

Main Entry: thresh
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: beat
Synonyms: assail, assault, bang*, bash*, baste, bat, batter, belabor, belt, box*, break*, bruise, buffet, cane, castigate, clout*, club*, collide, crush, cudgel, drub, flagellate, flail, flog, hammer, hit*, knock*, lambaste*, lash, lick*, maltreat, mash, maul, pelt, pound, pummel, punch*, punish, rain blows on, ram, rap, slap, slug, smack*, smash, spank, strike, swat, thrash, thump, thwack, trounce, wallop, whale, whip

* = informal/non-formal usage

Main Entry: thresh
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: thrash
Synonyms: batter, beat up, belabor, belt, birch, buffet, bury, cane, chasten, chastise, clobber, crush, defeat, flagellate, flail, flog, jerk*, kill*, lambaste*, lick*, maul, murder, overwhelm, paste, pelt, pitch, pound, pummel, punish, rout, rush, scourge, seesaw, slaughter, spank, stir*, strike, surge, tan, tan one’s hide, toss, toss and turn, trash*, trim, trounce, wallop, wax, whip, work over, writhe

Amazing Insight, Exceptional Wisdom

This entire post is taken from here, unless otherwise noted.

Dear Mama’s and Papa’s,

I’m writing to you tonight in hopes that I will find you in a position of questioning. If you are in such a position, I don’t suppose you’re entirely comfortable at the moment, but let me suggest that you stand in the place now where good, immense good, can be born.

If you’re reading this, you either already know that the teachings of the NGJ clan (or other similar group) cause destruction, or you’re beginning to wonder if all the good is possibly over shadowed in part, or whole, by what just doesn’t sit right with you.  Perhaps you fully support this group and their teachings.  If that is you, I invite you to contact me directly and substantiate your position.  Otherwise, please, keep reading.

I would like to make an appeal to your intellect this evening. I understand that most parents take up the methods and teachings of such groups as NGJ because they believe they are responsible for raising their children the best they can, in the eyes of the world and of God. I commend you for your intention and your concern over your child’s well being.  The trouble with the teachings of this particular group is that there is a fundamental struggle at their core for an unholy power.  And by unholy, I don’t mean anti-God, I’m using this term in a broader, more general sense, not a religious one.

I would like the chance to literally show you how the messages of this group are intended to torment your children, all the while you are led to believe they are supremely effective in victory, righteousness, unwavering obedience, and love.  I would also like to appeal to your dignity and sense of sanity.  The authors and developers of the NGJ doctrine are experts at betrayal, seduction, and power.  So, in your defense, if you have managed to see this group for the good they actually do teach, and have missed the horrid that each good instruction is laced with, know that you are not alone and you are not incompetent in your parenting skills; these people are masters at capturing their prey.

Also know that there is hope, there is help and support, and there are alternatives that will produce children who respect because they are respected, children who serve because they are served, and children who wholly love because they are wholly and completely loved, not because of action or diligence, not because they have earned that love, but because they simply are.

Please, if you need someone to just talk to, who isn’t going to jump down your throat, send me a comment or message.  If I can’t help, or you wish for more assistance on a professional level, I will connect you with those who are ready and able to support you as you make the transition and emmerge out from the hole the NGJ clan has dug for you.

What follows are multiple quotes, and mostly out of order, but all from the same article.  The paragraphs have been kept in-tact, you will not find manufactured content here.  Notes and comments are found either in line with the quotations or at the end of the article.

My hope with this post is that you, the reader, will begin to see just exactly to what degree the NGJ ministry is misled.  Not misled because I say so, or a million others say so, but because they themselves cannot present a solid and consistent message.

Angry Child
Article by Michael Pearl, August 1998

… Funny thing, 1200 men will go all week without one fight. If you get angry at the wrong person in a prison, you may die with a sharpened toothbrush sticking in your throat. Angry little boys never say, “Don’t do that, it only makes me more angry.” Who cares? When no one is listening and no one is impressed, threats are useless.

I would like to note here that we are not intentionally training our children (or at least I hope we’re not) to be successful at staying alive while in prison.  And while, admittedly, that is a valuable skill if one should ever find him or herself in such a situation, I do believe that the instinct to survive will cause the prisoner to adapt rapidly enough, that we shouldn’t have to begin teaching this in childhood.

Additionally, “angry little boys” do have a lot to say, often though it comes out in a scream or silence.  If we continue to inquisition them, agitate them, or tempt them into more anger we will not gain an understanding of what lies behind the emotional response.

Children who are incapable of managing their emotions, either due to an environment that has taught them it is not safe to feel those emotions openly, or who are otherwise imbalanced chemically (often for the same reason), are not going to be helped by instilling more fear.  Mr. Pearl’s assumed victory over the child he write of here is nothing more than tormenting an already tormented child to the point where he has no spirit or resolve left, and his survival instinct has kicked in.  If you beat a child like this enough, even he/she will eventually break, for a time.  You will likely see the calm, in the eye of the storm, but I warn you, you are destroying more and more with every attempt to get his anger under control and out of him.  You have chosen to ignore the source of the problem, likely because it comes from you or others in his close circle.  It is unlikely, though not impossible, that you will see the root of the pain this child is suffering unless someone outside that circle assists you.

If you are struggling with an extremely angry child, please don’t add fuel to the flame, don’t beat it out of them.  Don’t spank it out of them either.  Don’t turn your back and reject them, and don’t rid them of your compassion.  Take a moment, little ones at first and then longer, and see the world through this child’s eyes.  Be brave enough to see yourself and your close circle of family/friends through his eyes. Learn why he is experiencing anger, why he can’t seem to rid himself of it, and what he is afraid of experiencing instead of anger… it is a defensive response.  It is also often a protective response.

See this child through a different color lens and look through his eyes at his world.  It will change your life. And his.

I am not calloused to your dilemma. But the big problem is in your own mind. You are not free to be forceful and bold. Your son needs to run smack dab into a big, high, unmoving fence of authority. You, mother, are a pushover, a sucker. Your need is a renewed mind. Now that I have plowed your fallow ground, I will plant the seeds of understanding

Mr. Pearl, how dare you assume you have any place touching any part of my mind, ground, air, or otherwise. You sir, are a pompous idiot that weaves intelligent and loving advice into your horrible torturous methods of submission, supreme power, and ultimate destruction of the soul.

Mothers, you are not weak. It is not simple. This man is an abuser.

Step back, squat down, remain silent and still, and begin to see your child’s world through his/her eyes.  The answers will come, and if they don’t, get help from a professional who is trained to spot signs of difficulty in children.  The human mind is not so complex from a scientific point of view. There is nothing new under the sun… in most cases, if your child is struggling, there is an identifiable cause, if only you are willing to accept it and change what needs to be changed so that they can again become stable and secure.

Righteous anger is anger directed at injustice, selfishness. To be righteously angry toward someone is to impute blame to them. It is to hold them in contempt for not acting as they should have. Righteous anger seeks goodness. It is the guardian of love. It is moral choice expressed in the emotions.

Mr. Pearl, where is your righteous anger then concerning the death of a child whose parents follow you?  Where is your anger at all the children who are beaten and tormented in the name of unwavering obedience and joy?

Where is your righteous anger for the parents of the child that was beaten to death, the child that was beaten almost to death, and the millions (your number, not mine) of children that are routinely destroyed in body and spirit daily because of teachings such as yours and others who are as insidious.

If I am to hold my child, or another person, in contempt for not acting as they should have, then by what measure am I to declare myself the omnipotent judge?  On this earth, we do our best to control one another in the name of peace and goodness.  I see something else happening, but that is for another blog. Perhaps, Mr. Pearl, our Big Papa, you are indeed the judge and last word that we should all be required to acknowledge and submit to.  Lord knows, THE LORD – and the rest of this planet – knows that you have forced this of your wife, your children, and their children.

Almighty Mr. Pearl, has God ordained you, and we just don’t know it yet?

Righteous anger is agreeing with the innate dictates of common law. It is taking your place on the jury to condemn and then recommend sentencing to the guilty.

What law?  The law of David?  The law of Moses?  The law of the United States, your country, which you denounce (no, not directly, you are to crafty for that, you know better too well how doing so would explode in your face)?  You decide – you’re in charge here – you know everything about every family, and every child.  (If you think I’m being a bit too harsh here, keep reading.)  You, dear sir, are above all and are capable of forcing any child into submission of your sovereignty, to use your preferred term.  But I do wonder whether I would not be able to subdue you just the same given the right circumstances and weapons.  You see sir, power is indeed an intoxicating and wondrous thing. Just ask Aladdin and his Genie, ask God, heh – ask yourself..

But anger at not getting one’s way is something else entirely. Selfish anger is manipulative and unreasonable. It assumes that ultimate good is the gratification of self. It judges all events according to how they personally gratify. To thus be angry toward others, the individual must assume that others exist to fulfill his impulses. To him, right and wrong is: everyone does good by complying with my will and everyone does evil by depriving me of what I want.

Mr. Pearl, you believe in your words.  That’s a good thing to do if you intend to sell them.  You state here that to be angry toward others, the individual must assume that others exist to fulfill his impulses.  To him, right and wrong is: everyone does good by complying with my will and every does evil by depriving me of what I want.

Well said.  You know your doctrine well.  What was it you said, about supreme sovereignty?  Here, let me find a few of your words to quote…

“On the eight day he would love me and would make a commitment to always please me because he valued my approval and fellowship.”  Because he valued food and calm, and had a distinct desire to avoid hate, fear, and torture.

“On the ninth day someone would comment that I had the most cheerful and obedient boy that they had ever seen.”
He is in his shell… where he believes is the only place he is even slightly safe.

“On the tenth day we would be the best of buddies.”  If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open.

Like an army Sargent, state your will and accept nothing less. If he doesn’t like what is on the table and he is rude, send him away from the table and do not let him eat until the next meal. Do not feed him snacks between meals, and let him get good and hungry. He will then eat baby food spinach and love it. If you think it is appropriate and you spank him make sure that it is not a token spanking. Light, swatting spankings, done in anger without courtroom dignity will make children mad because they sense that they have been bullied by an antagonists. A proper spanking leaves children without breath to complain. If he should tell you that the spanking makes him madder, spank him again. If he is still mad…. He desperately needs an unswayable authority, a cold rock of justice. Keep in mind that if you are angry you are wasting your time trying to spank his anger away.I could break his anger in two days. He would be too scared to get angry. On the third day he would draw into a quiet shell and obey. On the fourth day I would treat him with respect and he would respond in kind. On the fifth day the fear would go away and he would relax because he would have judged that as long as he responds correctly there is nothing to fear. On the sixth day he would like himself better and enjoy his new relationship to authority. On the seventh day I would fellowship with him in some activity that he enjoyed. On the eight day he would love me and would make a commitment to always please me because he valued my approval and fellowship. On the ninth day someone would comment that I had the most cheerful and obedient boy that they had ever seen. On the tenth day we would be the best of buddies.

Your words, Mr. Pearl, demonstrate your dire addiction to power, complete and unquestioned power.  I think you have said it best, “To him (should it maybe read, to me?) right and wrong is: everyone does good by complying with my will and everyone does evil by depriving me of what I want.”

Michael,
You are, if anything, most accurate in your assessment of yourself.

Now, to those of you who need an alternative to this method, I implore you to listen to my heart and the experience that it speaks from.  It is not complicated, does not require a high level education, medicine, or other complicated tactics to regain the “happiness” in your child.  It requires you do something that some of you will be able to do and others will not. It requires a humility, a denial of pride, and a ton of courage because what you will learn will likely cause you to weep with guilt and sorrow before you are able to begin correcting what needs to be corrected.

If you are in this position, your child is constantly at odds with you, and you are ready to change, all you must do is stop yourself long enough to experience the world as your child experiences it.  But be warned, you may not like what you see because children are huge mirrors and very often reflect back what their parents demonstrate.  The younger the child, the more this is true, but it is not limited to age, but is unique to each child.

Tomorrow I will write about the latest things I have learned while experiencing our world as my two year old does.  Now, however, I’m going to lie down and just watch her, comfort her, and give her the security and sense of love that comes from being close, because today was tough for her and me, and we both just need some time to be still.

In Response to the Disrespect Michael Pearl Exhibits

Please take a moment to review this blog and associated sites.  Once again, it seems I am not alone in my quest to give people an alternative to this group’s tormenting methods of child raising.

I’m not really sure what other response is expected from Mr. Pearl, honestly.  Yes, he is arrogant, but read one paragraph of one single article he’s written and you’ll know that.  Yes, he believes he is also righteous and correct, all the time.  What other persona could he project? Humility and sincerity are incongruous with the core of his teachings, or any extended tentacle. It’s not like he’s suggesting ideas on child raising… He states –

A proper spanking leaves children without breath to complain. If he should tell you that the spanking makes him madder, spank him again. If he is still mad…. He desperately needs an unswayable authority, a cold rock of justice. Keep in mind that if you are angry you are wasting your time trying to spank his anger away.I could break his anger in two days. He would be too scared to get angry. On the third day he would draw into a quiet shell and obey. On the fourth day I would treat him with respect and he would respond in kind. On the fifth day the fear would go away and he would relax because he would have judged that as long as he responds correctly there is nothing to fear. On the sixth day he would like himself better and enjoy his new relationship to authority. On the seventh day I would fellowship with him in some activity that he enjoyed. On the eight day he would love me and would make a commitment to always please me because he valued my approval and fellowship. On the ninth day someone would comment that I had the most cheerful and obedient boy that they had ever seen. On the tenth day we would be the best of buddies.

Source

Now, if you ask me, that is some serious blind audacity. Not exactly what I would have in mind as a babysitter… but still –

This woman has a lot of perspective to lend:

I well remember paging through my copy of To Train Up A Child as a dreamy-eyed young mother desperately seeking the very best, most godly way to raise my children.   Source ->

In his book, Michael Pearl suggests tempting a child with a bite of their favorite food ~ placing a morsel within the child’s reach ~ and when said child instinctively reaches out for the food ~ Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, ‘No.’ Repeat as many times as necessary until the child is trained not to automatically grab for whatever he or she wants ~ but rather, to automatically look to the parent for permission before reaching out to take the desired food.

Even in my Quiverfull-induced stupor ~ I recognized the cruelty of such parenting advice ~ to deliberately tempt your child and then smack them when they take the bait?!!  I remember thinking, didn’t Jesus teach us to pray “lead us not into temptation”? If it’s not okay for our Heavenly Father to lead us into temptation ~ how can it be right for earthly parents to do this to their children?  I did not bother to finish reading the book.

Thankfully, I joined the local Le Leche League group for breastfeeding support and was introduced to Dr. William Sear’s “attachment” approach to parenting which jived with my natural inclination for gentle mothering.  Admittedly, I still did occasionally spank my children ~ but thankfully, I stopped short of purchasing the quarter-inch plumbing supply line in my quest to have happily obedient children.

A Follower of NGJ Speaks…

It seems, again, that I am not alone in my quest to provide followers (and potential followers) of the NGJ Destruction Agenda.

This woman speaks of her own experience with the No Greater Joy teachings, the brainwashing, and the delusion.
Take a moment to share in this woman’s experience; she can no longer stomach following this group.

Source

I well remember paging through my copy of To Train Up A Child as a dreamy-eyed young mother desperately seeking the very best, most godly way to raise my children.

In his book, Michael Pearl suggests tempting a child with a bite of their favorite food ~ placing a morsel within the child’s reach ~ and when said child instinctively reaches out for the food ~ Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, ‘No.’ Repeat as many times as necessary until the child is trained not to automatically grab for whatever he or she wants ~ but rather, to automatically look to the parent for permission before reaching out to take the desired food.

Even in my Quiverfull-induced stupor ~ I recognized the cruelty of such parenting advice ~ to deliberately tempt your child and then smack them when they take the bait?!!  I remember thinking, didn’t Jesus teach us to pray “lead us not into temptation”? If it’s not okay for our Heavenly Father to lead us into temptation ~ how can it be right for earthly parents to do this to their children?  I did not bother to finish reading the book.

Thankfully, I joined the local Le Leche League group for breastfeeding support and was introduced to Dr. William Sear’s “attachment” approach to parenting which jived with my natural inclination for gentle mothering.  Admittedly, I still did occasionally spank my children ~ but thankfully, I stopped short of purchasing the quarter-inch plumbing supply line in my quest to have happily obedient children.