We finally, finally closed on the house yesterday. \u00a0Life can now begin to normalize.<\/p>\n
I haven’t the energy today to give many details, but will soon. \u00a0And please forgive me if this is a bit scattered. \u00a0I don’t have much in the way of focus to give my writing right now, but need to try, for my own sake if nothing else.<\/p>\n
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One of the topics I hope to begin writing on (the list is growing, I know) is the growth, stress, difficulty, and healing this entire journey has provided for us. \u00a0It’s extensive. \u00a0But one area most applicable to this blog is how the entire adventure has affected my daughter. \u00a0She is now almost three, and yesterday she learned that she is going to have yet another new place to live. \u00a0I can’t get into the specifics right now, but want to say a little about why I am so happy we have managed to establish the sort of relationship we have with our kiddo.<\/em><\/p>\n When her Papa told her about the house\u00a0yesterday, he did so in a manner of excitement and happiness. \u00a0She didn’t respond like he thought she would. \u00a0Her response was one of fear, dread, anxiety, and tears. \u00a0We both flew into action to try to comfort and ease her concerns, but it didn’t help. \u00a0So, I shifted gears and instead of trying to “make it ok”, through her tears I spoke to her as I would another close friend. \u00a0The parent to child dynamics took a back seat for a few moments, while I simply told her the facts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n She quieted her tears enough to hear me… I explained that we now have two houses. I explained that we still had our existing house (she calls it our “TaosHouse”) and that we now also had a new house to play in. \u00a0She insisted that we needed to go to our “hotel home” (this is her safe place, nothing there scared her). \u00a0I told her we may spend a little more time in a hotel home, but that we would have all our stuff (ran through the list of items she has mentioned, like her purple bed, etc) in our new house in just a couple of days.<\/p>\n I spoke to her in a direct & connected manner, and as an equal. \u00a0She is not quite three. \u00a0She understands me completely and there is no\u00a0speaking down or minimizing when we speak with her. \u00a0I can level with her, share with her, and interact with her authentically\u00a0and with mutual respect and equality. \u00a0I\u00a0don’t choose\u00a0to be<\/strong> the authoritarian, the babysitter, or the “parent” that uses strict\u00a0regimen, discipline, punishment, and constant harping. Our relationship wasn’t set up this way and such dynamics are unwelcome by both kid and parents.<\/p>\n We co-exist.<\/p>\n She learns, I learn.<\/p>\n She explores, I guide.<\/p>\n She asks, I answer. \u00a0I ask, she answers.<\/p>\n We feel, we love, we strive for harmony. \u00a0We have challenging days sometimes too; I call her out on her difficult\u00a0mood, she holds my nose to the ground when I’m grumpy. I know life isn’t always harmonious, really… take a look at the last 16 weeks… BUT we keep harmony and happiness as our goal and we usually sit in the calm and contentedness that this goal provides.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Does she throw a fit sometimes? Yes. We communicate to each other how our\u00a0choices affect one another. \u00a0The resulting two-way communication is generally sufficient to restore harmony. \u00a0I try to find tangible ways of explaining feelings to her, seeking\u00a0harmony, respect, and happy interaction in the future.<\/p>\n And in the situations where I have unfortunately given in to my own weakness and insisted\u00a0on my will instead of asking for her cooperation and working with her to achieve harmony, the result is my deep regret. \u00a0Behaving this way never makes anything better for any of us. I may get what I want, but I also get a whole bunch of what I don’t want<\/strong>. \u00a0I lose her trust in me as her “mama” and turn into just another mom. \u00a0In those moments, I lose her respect\u00a0as a result of my choice\u00a0to demonstrate a disrespect toward her. We lose our harmonious, peaceful environment, and either petulance or dark melancholy sets in. \u00a0BUT, ALAS, I GOT COMPLIANCE.<\/p>\n ______________________________________<\/p>\n My daughter, at 2, understands so much. \u00a0She is fully aware, even when I wish she were not. \u00a0Especially when I wish she were not… when I desperately wish I could spare her our reality. \u00a0 Yet, she is not a task, a chore, or something to be conquered. She is what I choose to give my energy to, she is so much.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We finally, finally closed on the house yesterday. \u00a0Life can now begin to normalize. I haven’t the energy today to give many details, but will soon. \u00a0And please forgive me if this is a bit scattered. \u00a0I don’t have much in the way of focus to give my writing right now, but need to try, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,89],"tags":[519,59,520,305,521,578,83,85,582,91],"class_list":["post-650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-preschoolers","category-value-of-children","tag-attentive","tag-gentle-and-effective-parenting-resources-support","tag-intuitive","tag-natural-parenting","tag-nonviolent","tag-preschoolers","tag-the-childs-brain","tag-the-value-of-non-violence","tag-value-of-children","tag-working-with-toddlers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/650","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=650"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/650\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1358,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/650\/revisions\/1358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=650"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=650"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=650"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nDo I? \u00a0Uh-huh.
\nIs she annoying some times? \u00a0Yep.
\nDoes she think I’m just plain frustrating? Yes
\nAm I impatient sometimes? \u00a0That too.<\/p>\n