{"id":431,"date":"2010-08-06T23:29:52","date_gmt":"2010-08-06T23:29:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nogreaterjoychildren.wordpress.com\/?p=431"},"modified":"2010-08-06T23:29:52","modified_gmt":"2010-08-06T23:29:52","slug":"why-spank-well-it-works-embarrassment-is-a-powerful-tool","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/2010\/08\/why-spank-well-it-works-embarrassment-is-a-powerful-tool\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Spank? Well, It Works. Embarrassment is a Powerful Tool"},"content":{"rendered":"
Yesterday I received a comment related to the Bare Bottom Spanking<\/a> post that has me thinking beyond my initial response to the father that sent the comment. \u00a0I have copied in the conversation below, but want to add a few additional thoughts on this subject before letting it snooze for a while.<\/div>\n
Concerning the subject of humiliation as it relates to development of the very young through to adulthood, I want to offer you a few morsels to chew on.<\/div>\n
Here is an excellent site, and one that I encourage any of you who might struggle with some of the issues on either side of the wall to take a look at. \u00a0(Click the title link for source)<\/div>\n
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What is Emotional Abuse?<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching”, or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames\u00a0herself<\/em> for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

My interpretation of spanking a child is to force the will of the person who wields greater physical strength and a faster intellect than the child entrusted to their care. \u00a0To spank does not solve a problem, does not teach wisdom or deliver knowledge. \u00a0To spank stops an annoyance, teaches fear response, and closes the door on a willing spirit to learn (both of the parent and the child). \u00a0It serves to do nothing but give the adult some immediate satisfaction that they’ve done something to correct the issue at hand, but they have not. \u00a0Though it may seem as though this has been achieved, it is simply a facade. \u00a0When we use violence, physical or emotional, verbal or nonverbal, we instill our children with the need to develop response systems that provide them with some sort of self protection and survivability. \u00a0This is the complete opposite from teaching respect, appreciation, wonder, confidence, responsibility, and love.<\/div>\n
Today I feel like I am banging my head against a wall because of how obvious it is to me that violence begets violence, regardless of the intensity level. \u00a0Yet, so many are completely unable to see this. \u00a0I think I might have an inkling of an idea what Magellan must have felt when trying to explain to the\u00a0populous\u00a0that the earth is indeed a sphere and no, we won’t fall of the edge if we keep going.<\/div>\n
I’ll try to write more later tonight.<\/div>\n
Take a look at this article, somewhat inserted here but you’ll need to visit the site.
\n(Source is Title Link) <\/em><\/div>\n

Humiliation<\/a><\/strong>
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No one likes being treated like dirt
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You have been insulted, your ego is bruised, your\u00a0pride<\/a> is hurt, you have been show powerless and diminished in some way, and now you are hurt and\u00a0mad<\/a> as hell! You have just been humiliated, it is unfair, and you don’t like feeling foolish. Humiliation often results in violent retaliation and\u00a0revenge<\/a>.<\/div>\n
Remember, at the end of the day, the only opinion of yourself that matters is your own.<\/div>\n

Definitions:<\/h4>\n
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  1. Feeling\u00a0disrespected<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  2. A loss of\u00a0stature <\/a>or image.<\/li>\n
  3. An image change reflecting a decrease in what others believe about your stature.<\/li>\n
  4. Induced\u00a0shame<\/a><\/li>\n
  5. To reduce the\u00a0pride<\/a> or fail to recognize the\u00a0dignity<\/a> of another<\/li>\n
  6. An event perceived to cause loss of honor and induce\u00a0shame<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  7. Feeling powerless.<\/li>\n
  8. Being unjustly forced into a degrading position.<\/li>\n
  9. Ridicule, scorn, contempt or other treatment at the hands of others<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Root: from Latin\u00a0humilis<\/tt>,\u00a0low, lowly<\/em>, from\u00a0humus<\/tt>,\u00a0ground<\/em>. Literally, \u201creducing to dirt\u201d.<\/p>\n

    Synonyms include losing face, being made to feel like a fool, feeling foolish, hurt, disgraced, indignity, put-down, debased,\u00a0dejected, denigrated, dishonored, disrespected, dis’ed, defamed, humbled, scorned, slighted, slurred, shamed, mortified, rejected, being laughed at. While humility is considered a strength, humiliation is hurtful; the distinction\u00a0pivots<\/a> on\u00a0autonomy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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    Appreciation<\/em> is the opposite of humiliation.<\/p>\n

    Humiliation involves an event that demonstrates unequal\u00a0power<\/a> in a relationship where you are in the inferior position and unjustly diminished. Often the painful experience is vividly remembered for a long time. Your\u00a0vindictive passions<\/a> are aroused and a humiliated\u00a0fury<\/a> may result. There are three involved parties: 1) the perpetrator exercising power, 2) the victim who is shown powerless and therefore humiliated, and 3) the witness or observers to the event.<\/p>\n

    Because of the powerlessness and lack of control that it exposes, humiliation may lead to\u00a0anxiety<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    <\/a><\/em> is recognizing and accepting our own limitations based on an accurate and modest estimate of our importance and significance. The\u00a0humble<\/em> person recognizes he is one among the six billion\u00a0interdependent<\/a>people on this earth, earth is one planet circling the sun, and our sun is one of a billion stars in the presently known universe. Because of this broad and sound perspective on her significance, the truly humble person cannot be humiliated.<\/p>\n

    Humility reduces our need for\u00a0self-justification<\/a> and allows us to admit to and learn from our mistakes. Our ego\u00a0stands down<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    Humiliation and Shame<\/h2>\n

    The essential distinction between humiliation and shame is this: you agree with shame and you disagree with humiliation. Humiliation is suffering an insult. If you judge the insult to be credible, then you feel\u00a0shame<\/a>. Others can insult and humiliate you, but you will only feel shame if your\u00a0self-image<\/a> is reduced; and that requires your own assessment and decision. A person who is insecure about their genuine\u00a0stature <\/a>is more prone to feeling shame as a result of an insult. This is because they give more credibility to what others think of them than to what they think of themselves. This can result in\u00a0fragile self-esteem<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    People believe they deserve their shame, they do not believe they deserve their humiliation. Humiliation is seen as unjust.<\/p>\n

    Forms of Humiliation<\/h2>\n

    Humans have many ways to slight others and humiliate them. For example:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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