There seem to be a lot of discussions on how to keep toddlers in line lately, and the conversations in general result in my confusion and sadness. I have a two year old. She is a very complex, spirited, little person. She is communicative, emotional, thoughtful, and intelligent. And she has an opinion on just about everything. Keeping up with her is sometimes quite challenging, but it is a challenge I thoroughly enjoy meeting.<\/p>\n
Consistency is an extremely valuable commodity and something that the toddler, especially, desperately needs.\u00a0 Through consistency from her care giver, she can learn to establish herself in her world, discover her own thoughtfulness and desire to think of others, and develop her autonomy.\u00a0 Security, self confidence, and the ability to thrive come from her knowing she is valued and worthy of being responded to, as well as\u00a0being able to rely upon her environment and care givers.<\/p>\n
Today was a difficult day because I was\u00a0too impatient.\u00a0 I still am.\u00a0 My daughter knew it.\u00a0 And as if my own mood wasn’t enough to just end all today, she decided she was going to launch an all out protest, by returning it.\u00a0 Every impatient action or outburst I shot her way, she reflected right back at me.\u00a0 And can I fault her in any way?\u00a0 Nope.<\/span><\/p>\n At some point during my day, I began to really get to the point of just wanting to scream.\u00a0 My little one was just being little, but I wasn’t handling it well.\u00a0 I have a habit of purposefully falling silent and staring off in the distance in effort to gain the attention of my little bug, or regain my own, or both.\u00a0Trying to gain\u00a0the full picture, I will often do this while sitting on the floor, which makes my head about level to hers. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Today when I decided to attempt to gain control over my own impatience and try to regain control of the rapid downward spiral that would lead to my daughter losing it in a fit of emotion that she doesn’t know what to do with, I discovered something.\u00a0 My little girl was afraid. She was afraid of me, afraid of what she was doing or not doing, afraid to just be in her own little world (where she is usually very comfortable). She was on edge.<\/span><\/p>\n I realized in that moment\u00a0what I was putting my little one through, and what I didn’t want to continue. I decided we needed a breather, so we put on a movie and just sat together on the couch. Before long, I became impatient again (a result of\u00a0a hormonal imbalance that I am still trying to get a handle on\u00a0after the pregnancy) and I picked up my laptop. This is a signal to my daughter that she is no longer my focus.\u00a0 And some days she tolerates this for a while, and others she hurt by my diverted attention.\u00a0 So, in response, she sulked.\u00a0 Then I sulked.\u00a0 Then she rejected my attempts at cuddling.\u00a0 So I put the computer away.\u00a0 But by then, she knew I was annoyed and not wanting to really watch the movie with her, remember she’s 28 months old and perceives well.\u00a0 She in turn became fully annoyed with me and told me as much. <\/span><\/p>\n I allowed myself to see through her eyes, and I felt her hurt.\u00a0 She was disappointed, felt like she wasn’t as valuable as my stupid laptop, and just didn’t understand why her mama was being so unpredictable today.\u00a0 I did (understand), and there was nothing I could do about it, but keep trying to remain calm. \u00a0Eventually, we decided together that it was time for snuggle\/sling time that would lead to a nap.\u00a0 She knew I needed a break, and so did she (from me).<\/span><\/p>\n She fell asleep very quickly, snuggled into my chest.\u00a0 I consciously made the decision to just hold her this time instead of reading something on my phone while waiting for her to fall asleep.\u00a0 Sometimes I get away with that, but often she lies in my arms, in the sling, and stares right at my face (the same face\/eyes that are looking at something other than her own), waiting.\u00a0 She waits for me very quietly.\u00a0 When I realize I’m being stared at, I direct my gaze into her eyes and usually see relief and comfort, and a sense of security in her.\u00a0 Today, I saw apprehension and a guarded little girl.\u00a0 It broke me apart, again.<\/span><\/p>\n Just imagine if, instead of realizing her behavior today was in direct response to my own, I assumed the position of authoritarian power-demanding, righteously angry parent.\u00a0 How damaging to my little person I could have been.\u00a0I’m so thankful I didn’t resort to forcing my way or punishing, I would have crushed\u00a0her spirit severely.<\/span><\/p>\n I am convinced that my child generally wishes to be in harmony with her environment. She can be self focused at times, some of which are very useful and necessary, others are just whims. I can become frustrated with her too, but as soon\u00a0as I stop thinking and seeing through only my own eyes and start seeing through hers as well, I can again appreciate her.\u00a0When\u00a0I relate to the world as this little\u00a0does, I no longer struggle.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I have an amazing little bug, who perceives things at a level way beyond the depth of what we expected at this age. \u00a0Early on, even during her first few weeks, others shared\u00a0that when they looked into her eyes, they felt connected and that she sensed them fully. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n “She has an old soul”, some said, and I have to agree – she often seems to have an awareness\u00a0that eludes me. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I felt her strength, and her desire for harmony and peace well before she was born.\u00a0 And after her birth, her general demeanor gave me such a sense of peace and awe that my respect and admiration of her existence came without force or even conscious thought.\u00a0<\/span>I am on this earth for her.\u00a0 Her papa and I are committed to joining in\u00a0her explorations, sharing\u00a0tools as she discovers her world.<\/p>\n She impresses me every moment I am in her presence.\u00a0 She impresses me even when I’m not in her presence, because these times allow me to reflect on experiences with her, and I invariably gain an understanding and perspective that gives me even more to admire in her.<\/p>\n She knows<\/strong> we won’t hit her, or come after her.\u00a0 She seeks the boundaries\u00a0and we help her see them, and we explain why in terms she can comprehend.\u00a0She is tiny and has little\u00a0experience to draw upon to formulate her own conclusions; if your thoughts are communicated, connection will result. \u00a0She is highly intelligent, but explain yourself as if she is also brand new. Respect her.\u00a0Remember what it is like to be a two year old?\u00a0Take a moment to\u00a0stop what you’re doing, get down on their level, and ask them what it’s like being them, and listen to their response (whether in word, expression, or body language).<\/span><\/p>\n See the world through your toddler’s eyes and experiences.<\/strong> Once you have chosen to do that regularly, you will find that you approach your child differently and they will respond in turn. \u00a0\u00a0Grow their trust and deepen your connection.<\/strong><\/p>\n If all else fails and your toddler is just driving you nuts, Eye to eye, cheek to cheek,give them a moment of yours that is just for them.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Don’t betray the trust you’ve worked so hard to develop within your little one of you. Everyone screws up, but catch yourself before you betray the trust of your little one. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,87],"tags":[50,519,126,55,56,5,208,231,238,520,284,305,323,521,577,71,344,578,422,453,580,463,581],"class_list":["post-295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-preschoolers","category-toddlers","tag-appropriate-behaviors-boundaries","tag-attentive","tag-betrayal-of-toddlers-trust-in-care-giver","tag-childhood-self-esteem","tag-childrens-needs","tag-discipline","tag-exploring-your-toddlers-world","tag-gentle-parenting","tag-guiding-preschoolers","tag-intuitive","tag-love-and-logic","tag-natural-parenting","tag-no-threat-of-harm","tag-nonviolent","tag-ostracism","tag-parents","tag-peaceful-parenting-of-toddler","tag-preschoolers","tag-silent-treatment","tag-teaching-toddlers-boundaries","tag-timeouts","tag-toddler-anxiety","tag-toddlers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=295"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1367,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/295\/revisions\/1367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=295"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=295"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.childhoodrevered.com\/sentient\/parenting\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=295"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\ngo take a look in the mirror.
\nThen, take responsibility for your own behaviors,
\nand realize that your toddler is the world’s greatest mimic.<\/p>\n